Pete Gardner

I have fallen
Fallen hard
Fallen fast
Fallen for the deception of my enemy
Fallen from a place of comfort
To a place of ruin
The world spins around me
Like a chaotic cyclone
Churning with confusion
Not knowing which way to turn
Which way to run
Which way to hide
Where to find help
This is a lonely place
Down in the shadows
In the valley
Where darkness dwells and I listen to it’s voice

How did I get here?
How did I get so far into this hole?
This quagmire of doubt and disbelief
It was pride that brought me here
Pride that had me not listen to others wisdom
Pride that made me keep going deeper
Father into the enemy’s lies
Father into the deceit that enveloped me
In the background
Behind all the noise
Behind the confusion I could hear His voice
I could hear the Holy Spirit calling out
Stop
Don’t go there
But I continued onward
Ignoring His voice
Ignoring the very one who could save me
The one who could turn me around
The one who had my best interest at heart

Finally, I hit bottom
I realized where I was
Where I had been
How I had arrived here
And I was ashamed
Ashamed that I had fallen for His lies
His deceit
Ashamed that I listened to the enemy instead of my Lord
Destroyed in my heart
Feeling destined for failure
Destined for heartache
Destined for destruction
The shame was eating me alive
Tearing up my soul
And my spirit
It hurt so bad

So, I confessed
To my wife, my Pastor, my kids
I confessed to my own soul how I got here
I thought it was a way out
But it was a way to go deeper
Further down
I was trapped
I was fooled
My pride was hurt
But that is good
That is what I needed to realize
It was all pride
And I needed to humble myself
Humble myself before God whom I had ignored
Humble myself to my wife who trusted me
Humble myself to all those who turned to me for wisdom
So ashamed
Such a lonely place

I cried out to my God
And He heard me
From the depths of my sin
He heard me
He comforted me
He said He loved me
He said He needed me still
Needed me to preach His word
To write His words
To write my heart
He was not done with me yet

And I wept
I worshipped
I praised His name
I drew close to Him and He drew near to me
Back in His arms
Back in His grace
Trusting Him once again
He loved me even when I was in the valley
Fallen deep into the enemy’s deceit
He still loves me
And He will carry me out
Out to safety
Out to blessing
He will turn my mourning into dancing
My sorrow into joy
My pain into peace
What the enemy meant for evil He will turn for good
Because He loves me